† Darkness till Eternity †

03.11.08

Dito ako sa internet cafe, naghihintay matapos yung dinadownload kong sdat para sa antivirus ko.. dapat, tapos na ako kanina pa at nakauwi na kung di lang sa %$#@$$%$%# computer na ginamitan ko kanina, me virus. buti na lang, di ko pa naisasaksak flash drive ko.. safe pa rin.. hehehe… anyways, galing ako ng makati kanina, hands-on examination ko sa isa sa inaaplyan ko.. simple lang naman yung exam, pero me bugs pa rin.. ahehehe.. 66% na yung sdat..sana matapos kung hindi, tataniman ko ng virus itong computer na ito.. hehehehe… joke lang..

kung kinakamusta nyo ako, eto, jobless pa rin.. pero i have much confidence that i’ll land a job sooner.. pakapalan na lang ng mukha. ahehehe.. mejo problematic na rin pala mga ex-co-employees ko sa current projects nila.. doomsday na bukas.. hay…

nagugutom na ako.. yun muna, magbrowse pa ako eh..

hay buhay.. jobless na naman ako.. after almost 3 years, andito na naman ako sa internet cafe para mag apply online.. nagaaplly na naman bilang programmer sa mga companies na i hope malaki magbigay ng sweldo at hindi na babyahe pa.. ayaw na kasi ni misis na bumabyahe pa ako eh.. sa mga hindi pa nakaka alam, kagagaling ko lang ng cebu at kakauwi ko lang this saturday… kailangang umuwi dahil effectivity na nga resignation ko ngayon..

at ngayon nga, wala na akong job.. mamimiss ko lahat ng mga friends ko sa comlogik.. mga boss ko at mga seniors pari yung mga juniors at ung 2 new comers na kahapon ko lang nakilala.. ahahay.. hirap nito amphotah, maglalakad na naman ako sa ilalim ng araw, gutom at uhaw… actually, nagtitipid lang.. lol.. makikita ko na naman ang sarili ko sa isa sa mga taong nagaaply para sa isang work.. that was almost 3 years ago.. cge mga guys, hanggan dito na lang muna.. hanap pa me ng work sa jobstreet eh..

sa mga mamimiss ko jan, alam nyo kung sino kayong lahat..

Dito pa rin sa Cebu.
Nung 20, umattend kami ni digz ng sinulog festival. know what, sobrang enjoy kami!!! hahaha!!!simula 9 am pa lang, nasa lansangan na kami, at sobrang dami na ng tao! nakahanda na yung prusisyon, at according kay digz, marathon ng lakaran ang mangyayari. pero ok lang, sanay na sanay ako dun. kahit walang tubig o food na dala, kayang kaya. overloaded ng tindahan naman eh. kaya ok lang. nagsimula na ang lakaran. grabe, ang gaganda ng mga magpeperform! ayos sa costume, sa mga props at umaapaw na mga ideas. at may zaido na sumasayaw huh! buti nalang at bagong charge ako ng cp, kaya i’m able to capture some moments sa festival.. teka, mamaya na yun. yun nga, lakarang umaatikabo na.. parang simula sa amin hanggang cubao, o mas malala pa nga ata yun eh.. maybe, hanggang ortigas kalayo. ganun ata yun. as we walk, we are taking pictures of the participants. all of them are very accommodating. when we say, hey miss, were going to take a picture of you, the ladies are very pleased to pose and put a smile on their faces. di ganun sa manila. baka sampalin ka pa. masama pa nga nun, kung sino pa ang hindi kagandahan, isnob na kagad eh. what more kung artistahin di ba?? ganun ang nangyari, marathon, tapos me tumutugtog na sa kalsada. sari sari ang theme.. ewan ko kung ano. malay ko ba, for the first time in history of my existence, ngaun lang ako nakapunta sa ganitong activity. alam mo naman dun sa atin, yung ganitong tao eh makikita mo lang kapag may rally at hakot talaga dahil may bayad. yun lang yun. la ng iba. dito, grabe as in, talagang well prepared. kaya ayos na ayos. dun sa bandang dulo, me nakita kaming float. float ng gma, at nakasakay dun si richard gutierrez, ehra madrigal, maxine magalona, at yung isa, di ko kilala. di na ako magiisip pang kilalanin kung sino yun. basta, malas nya, di ko sya kilala. hehehe.. tapos, deretso kami ng jollibee ni digz. kain kami, threat ko sya kasi birthday ko nung 18. burger steak skin, 2 pcs, 2 rice, 1 regular pineapple, saka sundae. wag na kayo magcomment na ang dami naman. matakaw ako ok? malakas ako kumain. at di ko na kailangan pang magpaliwanag. ke digz, ano lang. 1 pc regular chicken joy, 2 rice saka medium sprite. yung order ko, yun palagi order ko pag jollibee eh..kaya wag kayo magtaka.saka walang pakialamanan ok? after eating, we lead back to our respective hospitals. si digz, para matulog, ako, para maglaba. at mag internet. pahinga naman di ba? at ganun lang ang way ng pahinga ko. so, gumabi na. at umuulan. a big shit kasi babalik pa kami para sa finale ng sinulog eh. tapos asar pa, nag hang ang server. ano ang big deal dun?? wlang internet eh. naghang nga eh. tapos di pa makakonek yung program sa server. taena, can i call for a technical support?? taena, linggo pala ngayon, walang tao sa opis. ano ba dapat kung gawin? irestart ko ang sabi mo ikamo? oo nga, bakit hindi?? hay naku. linggo ngayon, walang susi na magbubukas ng room ng server!!! taena talaga.. walang internet, umuulan pa. HELP!!!!! me dumating na help. pumunta rito, yung me alam kung saan nakalagay yung susi. nabuksan yung server, na restart, at huminto ang ulan. WTF!!!! ang swerte at malas, pag dumating hindi pwede maghalo, dapat sunod sunod muna, at pagkatapos yung isa naman. sunod sunod pa rin. at pagkatapos ng swerte, pumunta dito si digz, TAENA, NAWALA DAW YUNG BAG NYA SA JOLLIBEE!!!! EH ANO NAMAN KUNG NAWALA YUNG BAG?? eh may lamang 4k bucks at 2 mp4 players yun eh!!!! PAANONG DI KA MABABADTRIP. PUTSA, AKO PA NGA YUNG BADTRIP NUN EH!!! AKO YUNG APEKTADO, AKO YUNG GALIT. si digz, composed lang..inis pero what can i do db?? yun ang sabi nya. wala ng bag, wala ng 4k, wala ng 3 mp4 players…teka, bakit andito si digz??? sundo nya ako at yaya syang lumabas, balik daw kami dun. kita mo na yun, kesa magmukmok, eto at lalabas kami para mag enjoy kahit nawalan sya ng malaking pera. o sya sya, tama na sa masamang pangyayari. nasa kalsada na kami, at we are heading for the oval place that is in the center of the street. parang yung bilog sa atin.. oval lang sa kanila. in case di mo alam yung bilog, yung circle yun, dun sa quezon city hall. gets mo na ba??  kung hindi, puntahan mo na lang. sakay ka ng papuntang fairview, at madadaanan mo yun. wag ka lang baba sa gitna dahil sa sobrang excitement, sigurado, hit and run ang labas mo. at dahil sa umulan, ang putik. buti na lang, nag tsinelas na ako at naka short.. hehehe.. dami pa ring tao dun, at siksikan kami to the max. counter flow ang way namin, sinasalubong namin yung mga tao. at since, masikip alam nyo na ang hilig ng mga lalaki, manantsing. kaya, todo tsansing kami.. ska, me napansin pala ako, paligsahan ng may pinaka malalim at masisikip na cleavage ang labanan rito. mapabata man o matanda, mapababae o bakla. labanan talaga. syempre, iwas bading kami. eeeewww… IT’S PARTY TYME!!! NAKARATING KAMI SA GITNA NG KUMPOL NG MGA TAO AT PARTIHAN NA!! YEAH!!! may banda eh. at groovy ang mga tugtog kaya ayun!!! talunan to the max at sigawan!!! tapos, si vice mayor, kumanta ..english.. love song.. naglagay na ako ng ear phone.. ayoko makinig. gusto ko rock. gusto ko heavy. yung tipong makabasag ng tengang tugtugan. at syempre, hapon. wag kang maki alam. trip ko ito. inggit ka lang. tapos, after ng session na yun, lakad tsanching na naman kami. sobrang sikip na tiyak , yung mga babaeng lalabas mula dun, wala ng dibdib.. sobrang lalamugin ka.
. namin.. hehehe..  ayun, tugtugan uli. may mga babeng kakanta na pwede mo ng akyatin at abusuhin sa sobrang ikli ng mga suot. pero, ibahin nyo ako, hindi ako manyak. at hindi ako rapist. putcha, si john cena, nasa stage!!! uso pala yun rito??? at sya ang vocalist??  taena, di pwede mangyari yan!!! ok, nagumpisa na. WTFFF!!!! bring me to life!!! HARHAR!!! RAMBULAN NA ITO!!! TALON NA!!! o.O??? bakit ganun ang response nga mga tao rito?? yung rock ba nila dito sa cebu, pag pinakiggan mo, nagiging ballad???? bakit ako lang nagheheadbang?? oi digz,, sabayan mo ako, ok na, 2 na kaming nagheheadbang.. wow!! eto na yung part na aalulong ang vocalist!!!! taena.. bumulong yung vocalist. digz, lets go. sayang lang yung oras natin dito. baka makatsansing pa tayo. lika na uy!! ok, fast forward. nakapaglaba na ako. at matutulog na. (taena, ang bilis naman ng fast forward!!!) paki alam mo??

I’m here again at Cebu
yeah, i’m back to cebu, it’s my first night here from a not so month long vacation.. what an exhausting day. and we have been followed by bad luck. from my co-employee’s excess baggage penalty, airport baggage carrier that will accept how much amount you will give as long as it is not below 50 bucks in return of their service, and for that smart asshole cab driver that complained when i ask for my change, that fuck stated his some sort of benefits such as bonus and no change for our trip. oh my, what fuckin people we have in this country. anyway, life goes on. but still i can’t forget my 50 bucks as a change from that smart ass driver. there is a medical mission here on the hospital when i arrived. people here are so busy. i visited first the administrator for her to see my presence, and to give gift from my company. after that, i headed for work. My room’s fan is missing!! WTF!!! it’s so damn hot here!!! and my stomach is aching for not eating for several hours due to expensive foods at the airport!! imagine, a rice meal that only costs 50 bucks and up outside is doubled inside!!! anyway, i already eat a meal that costs 30 bucks and it’s good already as lunch because it’s already 11am..I’m a thrift person if you don’t know .well, some concerns already hit me so there’s so much work to be done before i came to rest. fortunately, i’m able to accomplish all of them. i’m also smart, enjoying disecting my brain. hehehe.. after office hours, i can finally rest and do some none job related works. i’m able to find some new stuffs from the net that sounds interesting.. i found some sites that seems very useful to me, offering stuffs i’ve never seen before. it’s leeching time!!! and i’m already hungry. it’s already 12.09 am of the next day. and i’m currently writing this very first kind of entry on this blog.. well, there’s more to come!!! ( i just downloaded some death note font’s some av’s of sora aoi, but not yet completed. edited some sigs from the internet and updated some profiles for my forums, and friendster.. well, that’s for now, i’ll dig some stuffs before i sleep. ja ne minna!!

The wind is cold now
But I could smell the scent of that nostalgic sky
I can see the sea from the platform
It’s here that I’m searching for you

That summer is surely still alive
In that surfboard, so out of place in this season

The sun surely remembers it all
Can you hear me?

You said you wouldn’t show tears
And we waved to each other
We didn’t say goodbye so we waved
And you disappeared into the sunset, I remember you

Every time I hold my rusty guitar
That song seizes my heart
Even now, the days are still gloomy
It’s here that I’m searching for you

But I think
We’re surely living for someone

The sun surely remembers it all
Can you hear me?

You said you wouldn’t show tears
And we waved to each other
We didn’t say goodbye so we waved
And you disappeared into the sunset, I remember you

I’m still the same as I was then
But I have a little more confidence, yeah…

I’m holding back my tears, I promise
I have to be stronger than anybody
We don’t need to say goodbye, when I close my eyes
I can see you right away, I remember you

I want to destroy the moment
I want to cling to the moment
I don’t understand myself

Of course I can’t do it over
Even when I try to hide in an unfamiliar town
I just think about the present going on outside my window

I want to run away from my impulses
But before I can, my excuses get in the way

If I follow my shattered memories
I can even go back to that time
Like a boy one day

I was born to live up to
The universe I imagined as a child
I’m a baby, I want to cry
The pain it takes to get it
Is so good

If life is a battle
Then we can’t help whether we win or lose
That much I know

My heart is pounding out of control from running towards tomorrow
From the shock that made me want to cry

I want to live a straight life
I just want to live a straight life
Like that boy that day

I was born to live up to
The universe I imagined as a child
I’m a baby, I want to cry
The pain it takes to get it
Is so good

I don’t want to stumble over someone’s words
I don’t want to be led astray…

Tomorrow, too, will surely sparkle
It doesn’t matter if I can’t go back to my childhood days
I’m scared of tomorrow’s way of my life
But I’m standing in a path I can’t go back down

I was born to live up to
The universe I imagined as a child
I’m a baby, I want to cry
The pain it takes to get it
Is so good

know you’re hiding something
Every time I look at you, you look like you’re going to fall apart

You must have a heart, right?
All you’ve done lately is laugh

Sometimes I’ve been overwhelmed by sadness
Though I thought I trusted you

Why do people have words?
They make our hearts harder to see

At the moment I’m like something a traveler finds as they wander aimlessly
I can’t even chase you too far

You must have mistaken me for someone else
In that case, say it more strongly

Sometimes I’ve been overwhelmed by sadness
Though I thought I trusted you

Why am I doubting you?
You mean more to me than anyone else

I’m scared, and sometimes things get tough
But I’ll trust you from now until forever

Why do people have words?
They make our hearts harder to see

Burning into mind, burned into…
Days burn out, scenes burn out

Burning memory, no more burned
We are burned into sadness
I hope no more

Burning into mind, burned into…
Days burn out, scenes burn out

Burning memory, no more burned
We are burned into cry

I’m sure I won’t be able to sleep tonight either, remembering that day
Even the world as I know it has disappeared, leaving behind a pain in my heart

Burning into mind, burned into…
Days burn out, scenes burn out

Burning memory, no more burned
We are burned into sadness
I hope no more

Burning into mind, burned into…Burn

Burning memory, no more burned
We are burned into cry

You’re gone, and yet another winter night comes
No matter how many times I try to erase the memories, the pain in my heart remains

We go Burning history now, we are stopping now
Burning for…

I’m sure I won’t be able to sleep tonight either, remembering that day
Even the world as I know it has disappeared, leaving behind a pain in my heart

You’re gone, and yet another winter night comes
No matter how many times I try to erase the memories, the pain in my heart remains

I miss you. I wanted to spend a tomorrow with you
That was different from yesterday
Even if all words disappear
There’s something I want to tell you

Where are you now? I’ve been looking for you
All I can do is stand still and look at the stars in the distance
How many stars did I wish on?
I didn’t realise until I met you

I miss you. I wanted us to spend that different tomorrow
Being ourselves
As time began to speed up, I realised
That I have a love that nothing can replace

When I listen carefully I can hear the faint sound of waves
I always hung my head, but now I’ve finally met you
My heart has faith

I want to keep looking. At every bit of you
Your voice and your mannerisms and the times we spend together
We can walk this long, long road
Together, forever…

I couldn’t put what I’d been evisioning into words so I pretended to be strong all the time
But now I feel like I can say it, I’m sure I can

I miss you. I wanted to spend a tomorrow with you
That was different from yesterday
We can walk this long, long road
Together
I want to keep looking. At every bit of you
I’ll be by your side, gently warming you
Even if all words disappear…”I love you”

I miss you…
"I love you"

My mind always remembers the pieces of tenderness
I hold in my heart

My heart binded by tears
Every little moment
I’m longing for a love I can’t have

Ah, I count the stars
I wish I could sleep
Enveloped in you

I wanna be your dream catcher
The flower in my heart has not bloomed
But I’ll believe that one day it will

I wanna be your dream catcher
I’ll be reborn now, for the first time
Fly again

My heart never surrenders
The straight-up way I looked at things when I was a kid
Hasn’t changed

Ah, just looking at you
Pulls my love to you
Like a magnet

I wanna be your dream catcher
No matter what sadness comes
I want to protect you

I wanna be your dream catcher
Now I can be strong for the first time
Fly again

I feel  something sneak into me
It  surprises me
Opens me

I wanna be your dream catcher
The flower in my heart has not bloomed
But I’ll believe that one day it will

I wanna be your dream catcher
I’ll be reborn now, for the first time
Fly again